RIP My Pookie Thunder

   

     My world fell apart on June 7, 2013. My first cat of 14 years went to Rainbow Bridge. My heart fell to pieces when i found him and there was nothing i could do.  It all started around October 2012.  He was sick with friggin' cancer.  I definitely believe i was in denial for the longest time. I pushed my anger aside thinking maybe his sickness would disappear somehow. Silly right? As i watched his health decline more and more, my heart broke more and more. Sickness/Death changes people. You have to move on even though you don't want to. You have to be strong even when falling apart.

      It was one thing after another.  From the weight loss, to not wanting to eat, to trying medications, to constantly wanting our food, to having vomiting and loose stools, to going to the bathroom outside the litterbox because he didnt want to go down the stairs. We werent sure about putting a litterbox back upstairs because of the smell. We did though and it seemed to help him. That way he didnt have to go far. Thats all that mattered to me. He got more snuggly and that made me smile! This was an interesting experience to say the least. Lots of ups and downs. I took it harder than i thought and i think that shocked me as well.

     I never thought I would have this deep awful pain. The pain is unimaginable. My sympathies and deepest condolences to everyone who has lost a pet. I thought I would deal with this better. But seriously no matter how you try to prepare yourself, it's still the hardest thing to say goodbye.

     He is so special to me. My little buddy for so long. Half my life!  He taught me how to love. To love animals. To appreciate their love for us. This was both the hardest and humbling time for me. I was devastated of course. As hard as it was to see, i loved every second being there for him. Making sure he was as comfortable as possible. Making sure he knew i loved him so much. Making sure i was trying to do what i could to help him. Thunder amazed me everyday! He was a fighter through it all! No matter what anyone said, it didnt change the fact that he was sick and then eventually passed away.  I felt sad, bruised, empty.

     Well, five months have passed and i still feel the same way. I guess now its a little easier to move on. To smile and be happy.